


It's Not Christmas Without You

by RomanogersSHIP



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Airports, Breakup, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Smut, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Make Up, Meet-Cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:01:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 20,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28327944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RomanogersSHIP/pseuds/RomanogersSHIP
Summary: Natasha breaks up with Steve for reasons unknown. In attempts to try and get her back, Steve meets her at an airport a year later to win her love.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanov
Comments: 3
Kudos: 81





	1. Chapter 1

Everything had been so perfect between them. For the entire 4 years their relationship had been completely in sync. They were just right for each other. On a mental, emotional and physical level. 

Everything about her was amazing and as soon as he laid his eyes on Natasha he had been fascinated from the start. 

What started off as being acquainted by mutual friends, turned into a relationship he could easily say was the best he’s ever had.. not that he had that many to begin with.

But to be fair, he was 23 when they first met and now he’s 27, so it’s not like he was that old anyways. Previously, he only had what 2 or 3 girlfriends officially? That’s not bad, excuse him for focusing on his education and then immediately onto his career.

_ “Just come out with us tonight!” Bucky tried to persuade Steve who was half listening and focused on his workout instead. “You've been a complete turd for a week now, what are you, on your period?” _

_ Steve rolled his eyes as he stood up and grabbed a towel, wiping his face down. “I knew there was a reason I was about to ignore your call.” He’s been busy and partying at some random bar in downtown Brooklyn wasn’t exactly his style anymore. Not since they got kicked out the first time, he’s not even sure if they’re welcomed at all. _

_ “Give me one good reason why you don’t want to come with us tonight, it’s Wade’s birthday!” _

_ “How about because I don’t like Wade? Or that Wade used to terrorize me in high school? Maybe because Wade still owes me $700 from smashing my windshield the last time we went out with him?” In fact, why are they even still friends with him? _

_ “Come on Rogers, if you don’t go then Sam won’t go, and if you and Sam don’t come, then I won’t want to go. Do you really want to break this poor man’s heart on his birthday?” _

_ “Yup,” Steve answered easily, about to hang up. _

_ “Wait, wait, wait..What if I pay for your windshield? Then it’s like, no harm, no foul-“ _

_ “Sure, that’d work if I hadn’t paid for everything already and had to manually clean out my car after he puked in it the same night.”  _

_ Bucky groaned in an attempt of almost giving up. “Stop being difficult.” He didn’t want to have to pull out the big guns, but there was only one last way to get him to come. “How about this. You remember that girl we saw at Thor’s get together? Red hair, good looking, and you rudely called dibs on her like she’s some piece of meat-“ _

_ “I only did that because I knew you or Sam would’ve gone and went after her instead.” True, they’ve only spoken one word to each other but a woman like that was much more than just a one-nighter. He could tell just by the way she carried herself. “And what about her? You expect me to believe that she’d even attend something even relatively close to being near Wade-“ _

_ Steve boredly tapped his fingers against the bar’s counter, close to ditching this place and making a run for it before Wade gets too drunk and ends up slashing his new tires..That is until he heard a slightly familiar voice order a drink. _

_ “Let me get a sex on the beach.” _

_ The bartender snickered, “Swimsuit on or off?” _

_ She gave the man a blank and unamused, the bartender wiping the smirk off his face and clearing his throat, taking her credit card and ringing the drink up. _

_ Even Steve couldn’t resist his amusement with the line and how corny it was, taking swig off his own drink before looking at the counter, “You know for the record..I would’ve said something a little more indecisive, like in the water or on the sand because obviously if you were to have sex on a beach it’d be without clothes.” _

_ “Yeah?…” Natasha glanced at him interestedly. “Which one would you pick?” _

_ “Oh the sand for sure. I think it gets a bad rep. It can possibly leave a little bit of sand in uncomfortable places but the sound of the waves crashing on the shore in the background, well you can’t beat it.” Steve victoriously drank a little more of his drink upon making her smile. “I’m Steve,” he introduced himself. “You’re Natasha right? We met briefly at-“ _

_ “Thor’s house.” She accepted his handshake. “You were the guy that got his windshield broken by Wade-“ _

_ Steve winced, sucking a bit of air through his teeth. “Yeah, that’s me. Glad I left some impression on you before I left that night.” _

_ It wasn’t the destruction of his window that caught her attention to him. “Trust me, I noticed you way before he flung a brick through your car.” _

_ “Really?”  _

_ “Mhm,” She responded coyly, taking a sip of her drink, “Maybe I’ll see you around, Steve.” _

_ “Never know, maybe you will.” Maybe she most definitely, positively, most certainly will. _

__

What made their relationship so much better was that it was so damn easy was how well they understood each other, how things would just click. Jealousy, cheating, possessive behavior, all that shit was nonexistent. He was all about her and she was all about him.

It actually surprised him how a jealous mishap or argument never ensued amongst them but hey he certainly wasn’t complaining. Now let’s not get anything wrong, they did have their—off days even though it’s been explained how they’re always in “sync”.

Throughout their 4 years of being together of course there’s bound to be problems between them relationship wise, some worse than others depending on what they were fighting about, but the fact that they’ve always been able to easily overcome these issues is what made him fall for her even more. She kept a high level of maturity except during the aftermath where she openly shows him her sensitive side.

_ “You still mad?” Steve asked childishly because that’s what she was acting like. A child. He came behind her, caging her in his arms. It’s been about what? 3 hours of them avoiding each other in the same place, just in different rooms. _

_ Natasha ignored him, continuing her task of being on her phone even though she was barely paying attention to it, she was just trying to not give him any. _

_ He couldn’t hold back from how funny he finds it whenever she’s angry at it which is probably why she’s ignoring him now. _

_ Steve rested his chin on her shoulder like he would occasionally do when he’s apologizing, only this time he hadn’t said sorry. “Why are you acting so hostile?”  _

_ “Why are you acting like a dick?” _

_ “Wow, am I? I’m sorry,” He whispered onto her neck, softly kissing the area. He rarely, very rarely ever reaches a level of annoyance where other situations would affect how he acts in their relationship because he’s so patient with everything. “Can I get a kiss?” _

_ “Depends, do you still want to be a jerk?” To think that their fight and little disagreement took place in the car. _

_ Steve scoffed, “Not if it doesn’t get me anywhere later on.” He gently pulled her face towards him, lovingly kissing her. _

_ Steve laid in their bed staring straight up at the ceiling, feeling her press kisses on almost every part of his face, none of them getting reciprocated. _

_ She leaned back on his lap and had to stifle a laugh as he continued to look at her dully. “I said I was sorry.” They were wrestling and she accidentally hit him harder than either of them realized, now he had the smallest bruise near his abdomen and has been acting like a baby ever since. _

_ His expression never changed but she could tell he wasn’t really angry because if he was his hands wouldn’t still be on her hips. _

_ He also would’ve been sleeping by now instead of staying up and entertaining her.  _

_ Natasha leaned down again this time placing multiple soft kisses on his lips, feeling him half respond. “Give me a proper kiss,” she smiled. _

_ “Say sorry again.” _

_ “I’m sorry,” she repeated truthfully and meaningfully, easing her lips towards his and then smirked into the kiss when he eagerly brought his lips to hers. _

She wasn’t high maintenance, she was fun to be around, so beautiful. Jesus, his family loved her and hers was extremely entertaining. His mom often calls her, possibly more than she even calls him. His grandmother, who hardly likes anyone outside of the family immediately became smitten over her much like everyone else had.

However, unlike his family, hers resisided in Russia, so the first time Steve got the opportunity to meet them, they welcomed him with open arms being surprisingly friendly people. He’ll never forget the first time he met them.

They had been dating for 8 months, he flew down with her for her mom’s birthday and remembers having the greatest time. Getting to know her parents, her sister, grandparents and her aunts and uncles that didn’t shy away from the fact that they were wasted almost the entire time.

He had the best food, some of which he’s already tried for whenever Natasha made him something. That was also the time he realized how competitive they are because the games he played with her and her family had gotten borderline violent at one point.

_ He never knew it was possible to get a black eye in charades.. From her little cousin out of everyone. Yesterday he invited the young girl to the carnival with them and this is how he gets repaid? He bought her two funnel cakes and a bag of cotton candy like she begged for. He even won her a stuffed animal at one of those scammy competition stands. _

_ “Still hurts?” Natasha asked, sitting down next to him on the couch while he iced his eye. _

_ “Kind of, I think I’ll live.” His eye felt like it healed itself when she gently kissed him. “She packs quite the punch for a 7 year old.” _

_ “She takes karate classes,” Natasha informed him, caressing his chin in a careful and calm manner. She noticed the little girl out of the corner of her eye and told her to wait in Russian. “Ты не думаешь, что тебе нужно извиниться?” _

_ The girl groaned and came back over to them with her arms folded, looking ashamed and embarrassed. She didn’t mean to nail him in the eye, but she got upset because he wasn’t on her team and suddenly caught herself swinging a fist at him when she was trying to demonstrate someone swimming. _

_ Steve gave her a small puppy dog face, “Just one tiny sorry? I’d really appreciate it.” _

_ Nadia let out a little whine before giving in and mumbling out a small, “I’m sorry.” _

_ “I accept your apology. Only!...if you teach me how to swing like that,” he joked, making the little girl agree and run back off. _

_ They were enjoying a nice romantic walk along the beach. Or what was supposed to be a nice romantic walk along the beach. He didn’t know beaches in Dubai would be this pretty especially not in December. His arm was resting around her shoulder and hers around his waist. _

_ Their moment was cut short however when Steve’s goddaughter came waddling in front of them. _

_ “Tasha,” The child whined, grabbing Natasha’s hand and pointing towards a woman selling ice cream. _

_ “We don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Steve said, their walk was becoming really intimate, they could make a break towards their hotel room right now. “She had one earlier, it’s okay to say no to her.” _

_ “You know I can’t do that.” Natasha hoisted the little girl up when she saw that she was reaching up for her. She rested her head on Natasha’s shoulder when she tried explaining what kind of ice cream she wanted. _

_ Steve always knew his family members preferred her over him. He would admit though, seeing her hold a small child in her arms made him have some very eye opening thoughts...they’d talk about that later. _

__

What else was there to say about his girlfriend? He’d rather not describe anything in their sex life although that was it pretty damn phenomenal as well. Like really..wow. Enough to make him blush from the thought of it, something he occasionally finds himself doing around his friends whenever they ask about that aspect of his and Natasha’s relationship.

__

_ “You alright?” Steve asked his girlfriend as he felt her shift on his lap while scanning around the room. _

_ “Let’s go to the car really quick.” _

_ Steve obliged easily, believing that she had forgotten something, but he should’ve caught that little glint in her eyes right away. _

_ He unlocked his car door but instead of opening it, he felt her push him against it, he was confused at first then he got the reason behind it. _

_ “Babe, come on,” Steve laughed lowly, looking around to where they were, his hands holding onto her waist. They were in a literal parking lot. It was the evening, and it did look a little secluded. Not only that but she has been leading him on the entire night, mostly because the dinner party for one of his co-workers had gotten boring and she wanted to have more fun with him. _

_ “What, we’re not doing anything wrong,” she said in a very suggestive voice, making Steve look around them again. _

_ “Not yet, but we both know you want to do something wrong.” He watched her smile, pushing her body against his. “We could always wait until we get home,” he suggested, but once again, they both knew it’d be impossible to wait, not with how she’s been leading him on. _

_ “Please? We’ll be quick,” She said softly, palming his chest. _

_ Steve gave the parking lot one last look, before reaching behind and opening the door. He couldn’t mask how excited he was no matter how much he tried. “Alright, 5 minutes,” he offered. _

_ “10.” Her hand traveled a little lower down his body, both of them becoming very entertained, probably because they were the tiniest bit tipsy. “Maybe 15?” _

_ “Get in here,” he said charmingly, unable to hold back his attraction anymore. _

__

“ _ You couldn’t have picked a worse time?” Natasha softly moaned, holding his head in place where he continued kissing up and along her cleavage. _

_ He held her higher up against him, holding her close. “What, your break starts in a couple minutes anyways, we’re just getting a head start.” Leaning in and lightly pecking her lips, “It’s not like this is our first time doing this in the closet, or any room at your job for that matter.” _

_ “But those were times where my boss wasn’t in the building.” She had to bite her lip at the feel of his mouth aiming for a specific spot on her neck. _

_ “Whatever, your boss loves me,” Steve vouched, pulling his lips away. “And if someone from maintenance walks in, I’ll take all the blame.” _

_ That was something she had to laugh at. Did he think they were in high school or something? She tilted his chin up having to lick her lips just at the sight of him. Steve wore a toothy grin and went back to kissing her body whenever he could get his lips on. “Mm!” He said as he pulled away for a quick second. “What do you want to eat for lunch?” _

_ “You.” Her arms wrapped around his neck and slammed their lips together. _

__

Alright, well, that was enough of  _ that.  _ Point is, he loves her, he really really loves her. Deeply in love with her, It’s been 4 years together and it’s been the best years of his life that he’s spent with anyone.

Steve came into their apartment. The place they’ve been sharing for 3 out of 4 years might he add. It was beautiful, spacious, cozy and was located right in the heart of the city, the noise was definitely a minor problem but you couldn’t beat the view, so taxis honking at 4 in the morning was worth it if it meant seeing such a delightful sight of the city from their windows.

He entered a little more into the apartment, and got a beer from the fridge. Hearing Natasha’s voice trail from one of the back rooms and into where he was, hanging up on the person she’d come off the phone with.

“Hey,” Steve said to her, quickly kissing her lips. “Was that your mom?”

“Mhm, she was just doing her usual calls.”

Those “usual“ calls typically consisted of her telling Natasha about one of her most recent problems or gossiping about one of their family members. “Yeah? Is she still dealing with lemmings eating her garden again or is she pissed that she hasn’t found out the secret to your dad’s winning streak in monopoly?”

Even though that’s not what they were discussing over the phone it was actually very great guesses. “The second one,” she lied, feeling her heart clench when she saw how genuine his smile was and almost, for a second, was close to not going through with this after all..almost.

“I’m telling you, the man is a genius, he’s using the businessman skills he has in real life and making incredible in-game negotiations. That $500 dollars for Pacific Avenue just seemed too good of a deal at the time.” Of course by the end of the game he went bankrupt and her father swindled him of all his in-game money.

She didn’t even think about how her dad might feel. He and Steve had such an incredible bond. They were so familiar around each other that to the point that he calls him “son” and whenever her dad would plan vacations, there was no automatic invitation because Steve didn’t  _ need _ an invite. Her father would just  _ assume  _ he was coming and loved every second of the moments they have together.

“I can only imagine.”

“You know what, speaking of your dad I just spoke to him the other day and he said we should consider having another family vacation. My family, your family, just like last year. What do you think, I’m pretty sure our moms would love to catch up.”

Oh god their moms were like best friends at this point. Whenever her mom was in town she’d spend hours, possibly days over at Steve’s parents house much to his parents appreciation. If their moms looked the slightest bit alike, anyone would swear that they were sisters.

Natasha took a deep breath, putting her phone on the counter. “Steve, we need to talk-“

“Oh and get this! Wait, I’m sorry, I don’t mean to cut you off,” He respectfully kissed her cheek. “But you remember that restaurant we’ve been wanting to try out but has been insanely booked the past few weeks?”

“The authentic Japanese one? What about it?”

His entire demeanor was coy and playful, happily hoisting her onto the counter. “Let’s just say a certain someone, also known as your very dreamy boyfriend managed to get us reserved seats at the chef’s table.”

Her gaze unintentionally softened, “You did?” feeling one of his hands cascade around her waist, pulling her closer where she then absentmindedly slid her hands up towards his shoulders, out of force of habit. 

“I did. And I also wouldn’t want to spoil any other surprises but when we get home..” He planted soft and warm butterfly kisses along her collarbone and up towards her chin. “There’ll be a nice, cold bottle of champagne waiting for us, maybe a couple strawberries dipped in chocolate. Possibly even a massage in store for you if you’re nice to me,” he said the last part half jokingly.

Natasha couldn’t hold away from smiling at him and bringing him in for a kiss. She could feel how the edge of his mouth curved up into the kiss, everytime their lips touched it was like electricity. It was always so sweet and loving and made her heart melt each and every time. It’s because she knew whenever they were together his mind and attention was always on her.

The heavier and deeper their kiss became, the more her senses trailed off the topic of their relationship, feeling his fingers that were currently on the counter, graze her thigh. Truth be told, she’s not sure what would’ve happened if Steve hadn’t smoothly broken their kiss and thoughtfully reminded her. Natasha looked at him questioningly when his lips weren’t on hers anymore.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt earlier. What was it that you wanted to talk about?” He asked considerably, swaying a hand along her hip.

“Hm?” She was confused for a second before setting her mind in the right place again. “Oh-Right, um.” She cleared her throat when her voice broke a little. Her hands left his shoulders and landed on his chest right, lightly pounding one fist against him as she came to her next sentence. “There’s honestly no easy way to say this.”

“What is it?” He grinned calmly. “Don’t tell me you didn’t like the flowers I sent to your job today. I was gonna get you roses but I know they’re out of season and I know you’re allergic to orchids-“

“Steve, just—stop.” She got off the counter. Every word that comes out of his mouth would inevitably make this decision even harder to make. “Listen,” she started again, gingerly bunching his shirt in her grasp. “I..think we should break up,” She told him, watching as his face gracefully fell into one of...well she’s not even sure. 

He looked shocked, surprised and in disbelief all in one as if someone pranked him.

“What?” He asked windedly.

Natasha didn’t bother repeating it. She knew that he heard her and repeating it would only cause more of a heart break between them. “Don’t make me say it again..”

“Did you not like the flowers or?” He asked desperately.

“Hm?- No! I loved the flowers, they were beautiful.”

Now his mind was racing over where things had gone wrong. Did it happen in a matter of minutes because he’s positive they were doing perfectly fine. “Was it something I said o-or did-“

“Steve..” Natasha cut him off, “It’s not you..I promise.” Technically it was him, but it was also her. He was taking too long and she ran out of patience.

“Please don’t make this an ‘it’s not you, it’s me situation’. Nat, are you serious? We don’t have to break up.” What happened? She said it was her, did she cheat on him or something? If so, then they could talk it out, he’s that crazy about her, he doesn’t want to lose her. “We can talk about it.” They’re adults, he doesn’t run away from problems and she knows that.

No they couldn’t, it was just too complicated and she’s scared that if she tells him she’d only be forcing him to make a decision and this something she wants to be natural. “I’m tired of waiting-“

“Waiting for what-“

“For you-“

“For me to do what?!” He asked frantically. What was she expecting him to do? If she’d tell him, he’d do it in a heartbeat but she was holding out, but she doesn’t  _ want _ to tell him. By one look at her he could see that she was done. She came to a decision, a tough one, and she wouldn’t change her mind unless he does something but he doesn’t know what to do! “Nat, honestly.” He turned her face towards him, holding her chin in his hand and finding that her eyes had begun watering, close to breaking down. “Don’t make me beg..I’ll do whatever you want, I’ll change whatever you want. Just tell me what it is.”

And she knows that, that’s one of the reasons she loves him, but him changing himself is the last thing she wants. However, she can’t be the one to tell him what it is she wants him to do..it has to be done on its own. He needs to make the move himself. “I’m sorry,” she repeated sadly.

Natasha didn’t mind him leaving short kisses on her lips, it’ll probably be the last time it might happen and she knows it’s his way of trying to get her to change her mind but that wasn’t the case this time.

This wasn’t her going against his wants of eating out tonight rather than ordering something..this was their relationship, in its entirety at the line.

Steve pulled away, that same sad and apologetic look in her eyes never depleted. He’s not sure what her reasoning is but if it’s making her cry then of course he’d start to feel like it was his fault despite her saying it wasn’t. 

The only reason he wasn’t crying is because he’s trying to keep himself composed. He still wants to be there for her. “Natasha, look at me.” They looked each other directly in the eyes, their breathing slowed but their hearts racing “Are you kidding? You really want to break up?” He asked quietly, watching as she nodded. “O-okay..” What else was he supposed to say? What was he supposed to do, force her to stay? He was close to getting on his knees and begging her to change her mind but he had more dignity than that. If she wants to end things then..this is it.

Steve removed his hands from her waist, it felt so wrong, just empty without touching her. What was the purpose of having hands if they’re not meant to be holding her? What was he supposed to do with his mouth if not talk to her and kiss her? Eat? If he couldn’t eat with her what was the point of eating?!

Steve felt her cup his face in her hands and their lips come together. They’ve kissed each other goodbye plenty of times in the 4 years they’ve been dating, but this time was like no other.

He was dreading the moment her lips would have left him because it would be the true ending to their relationship and he wasn’t ready to say bye at all.

As soon as he felt her start to pull away, it was like a hit to the gut, hearing the sound of their kiss ending one last time.

_  
  
_

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

_ Once bitten and twice shy _

_ I keep my distance _

_ But you still catch my eye _

_ Tell me, baby _

_ Do you recognize me? _

_ Well, it's been a year _

_ It doesn't surprise me _

_ (Happy Christmas) I wrapped it up and sent it _

_ With a note saying, "I love you, " I meant it _

_ Now, I know what a fool I've been _

_ But if you kissed me now _

_ I know you'd fool me again _

Natasha tried to block out the blaring Christmas music in her ears as she walked through the airport, looking over her flight ticket and taking a deep breath. Her destination being Russia for the holidays. She wasn’t sad to be going home and seeing her family, definitely not.

It was probably the highlight of her year so far. The only reason she feels a tightness in her chest is because the last time she went to Russia it was with Ste-..her ex. The last time she’s been to Russia was with her ex and it was the reason behind all this nostalgia she’s feeling right now. 

“ _ How long is the flight again?” Alaina asked her daughter. _

“Only 9 hours, not the worst timing considering how many miles we’re apart.”

“ _ Wow, only 9? Last time it was what, 17? What happened to taking two planes?” _

“Uh I’m not sure, strangely enough none of the airlines offered any this time around, but it’s usually like that around this time of year.”

_ Her mother hummed in response. “And how’s Steve, you two doing okay? I’ve been keeping up with the weather, it’s been cold over there.” _

Every time one of her family members brought his name up her heart would skip a beat. She’s not sure why they continuously bring him into the conversation despite it being a year since their break up. “Mom, I already told you, he and I aren’t together anymore.”

“ _ Oh I know honey but you two were such a good couple, he was the best one yet and for 4 years! That’s dedication right there, why can’t you two just go on a nice date, kiss and make up? That always worked whenever you guys would fight.” _

Honestly, no one in her family seems to understand that she and Steve haven’t been fighting the past year. They  _ weren’t _ together anymore at  _ all  _ the past year. They were done, over with; exes. “It’s a lot more deep than that. He and I broke up, mom. I’m not his girlfriend anymore and he isn’t my boyfriend, simple.”

Her mother sighed, there aren’t a lot of men out there in the world that’s all she’s saying. “ _ Well I hope you aren’t planning on bringing a new guy this year because your father is still getting over the fact that Steve won’t be here the holidays.” _

“Well that kinda makes two of us.” Whether she likes to admit it or not she wasn’t exactly used to not being around Steve every day. The first 3 months of not being together was pure hell.

He was such a major part of her days and she knew that when going into the breakup. Whenever she went shopping through the course of those 3 months apart, she felt weird and empty because normally he’s there to hold the bags out of basic chivalry and he’ll wrap his arms around her while she looked at items.

And of course she’s received so many questions from almost every single one of her friends and co-workers around the topic of her and Steve’s split but it was a sensitive subject, one that she doesn’t necessarily like to entertain or indulge in.

Why would she break up with a guy who was as sweet and caring as he was? A man who opened the door for her everywhere they went. So loving and passionate about everything, sends her flowers without there being any special occasion. 

The same man that her family endlessly adored. How he’d try to plan dates almost every week and openly showed her affection around his own friends and family. Such a good listener and wasn’t afraid to buy her feminine products like tampons whenever she needed and cuddled with her whenever her cramps would be pure hell. Even though he wasn’t that great in the kitchen, he would still look up recipes to have her wake up to breakfast in bed. All of his sweet kisses.

And of course the sex..it was good—really  _ really _ good. The kind of good that would not make a person care about being late to work. They were so comfortable around each other which only made their in-bed activities so much so better and satisfying. Above all, the man...was a great eater..not  _ food _ eater but-

_ Natasha glanced down and threw her head back only a couple seconds later, pushing her fingers through his hair and gripping it. It’s been 5 minutes and he’s showing no signs of stopping even as her vision is becoming a little more blurry. _

And she gave all of it up…

Natasha took a seat at a nearby barstool of a coffee shop in the airport. She wasn’t exactly the biggest fan of coffee, but she only drank it whenever she found herself overthinking things. 

Normally whenever her mind became flooded with situations and scenarios Steve would be the one that would be able to get her to relax. Whether it’s with going on a date to simply lazily laying with each other on the couch.

That was certainly a favorite of hers. Just laying fully or partially on top of him and binge watching whatever show on Netflix. There’s something about that man’s hold that was just..fuck. “I’ll have an iced coffee, straight.”

_ I don't want a lot for Christmas _

_ There is just one thing I need _

_ I don't care about the presents _

_ Underneath the Christmas tree _

_ I just want you for my own _

_ More than you could ever know _

_ Make my wish come true _

_ All I want for Christmas is you _

Steve walked through the airport, looking over his flight ticket while Mariah Carey blared in his ear, just what he needed. Steve took a deep breath. He was nervous about his destination, it’s been awhile since he last flew anywhere. Not to be that kind of guy after a breakup, but he wasn’t exactly quick to jump into another party in hopes of getting laid. Who were his friends kidding?

He just came out of a 4 year relationship with a woman he loved with all his heart, it’d take him time to move on.

..It’s been a year since he’s been saying that and he’s still keeping that thought in his head. 

It takes time to move on

_ It takes time to move on _

It’s been a year since their break up, how much more time could he possibly need before he’s able to stop envisioning her red hair at the most inappropriate and untimely moments? Stop seeing her green eyes, to stop imagining her knocking on his door and begging for them to get back together. Was it wrong that he hopes to fully get over her before she’s fully over him? 

Hang on, was she even over him? After all she’s the one that broke things off, wouldn’t that mean he’d be emotionally unavailable for a longer period of time?

Here he goes. Over thinking again. Normally whenever this happens Natasha’s there to pull him out of his thoughts. She pulls him into the kitchen and has them cook a new recipe together, she’d lay on top of him or partially beside him on the couch or in their room depending on where they’d want to watch tv. They ramble on and on to each other about the littlest and meaningless things but to Steve, one small word from her had a thousand meanings and he loved hearing what’s on her mind.

There’s something about that woman being in his arms that brings this warm and fuzzy feeling inside them. Like it’s where she’s meant to be. 

Damn, he needs a drink. It was pretty early for alcohol but it's not like airports served strong alcoholic beverages at all. For this morning he’d settle for a coffee. He enjoys the taste of it, especially in the winter around this time of year, it tasted more Christmasy. Sometimes he’d opt out for a hot chocolate only because Natasha would make it sound so good at the time.

“Can I get a large coffee, two creams, one sugar?” Steve ordered. Just as Steve ordered he heard a voice say thank you.

Just as Natasha received her order she heard a voice ask for a very familiar coffee request..

Their eyes looked up at the same time, connecting like magnets and both freezing at the sight of the other, not able to understand how this happened or even why this happened.

What would you say to someone you’ve dated for 4 years and broke up with only a year ago? How was this supposed to play out? Was it all just some dumb joke, coincidence, fate?

Or maybe two exes just randomly meeting in an airport but that option sounds less than likely.

Natasha noticed his appearance..he had a beard now. Or at least growing one it seemed. It looked as if it was in a trimming phase. He also cut his hair down to a buzzcut. It was different, a good difference. But different nonetheless.

Steve kicked himself to say something to her. “Nat? I-I mean Natasha..why are you here?” Judging by the way she raised a brow and from his own self reflection, that wasn’t the best way to greet an ex he hasn’t seen in a long time. 

The more she thought about the question the less offense she took to it. He didn’t even seem like he properly unscrambled his words and did look pretty embarrassed after they came out. “Because I plan on flying in one of those planes out there.”

“Really? That’s weird, so do I.” Steve made a quick note when she drank some of her coffee that she didn’t have any ring on her finger. Good so she wasn’t engaged. Not that it was any of his business or anything..but still good to know. He also noticed that she was drinking coffee. “I see you’ve taken a liking into more things the past year. I never thought you’d become a coffee drinker.”

“I’m not,” she shrugged, “I don’t know how you do it.” Steve gave a small smile, she likes the sight of it. It’s been a long time since she last saw it. He was always so genuine with the way he looks at a person.

Now they were just standing in front of each other. Were they really not gonna address their break up? It’s not like it was an intervention so they didn’t really have to, but still. Just because they weren’t together didn’t mean they couldn’t talk like humans.

“So..you off to Russia?” Steve asked, sticking a hand in his pocket, finding more comfort in the conversation. He knew she was easy to talk to.

“As usual. Nothing new, just visiting family.”

“Please how can spending Christmas in 60 acres of land get old?”

“Well when you spend almost every holiday there and grew up in the country it gets a little tedious.”

Steve grinned, man he loved visiting that place, he loved the entire culture and even learned a little Russian. His interest in speaking the language fluently stopped when..well ya know. “Not inviting Darcy or Wanda?”

“They’re both dealing with family too. What about you, did you finally convince your mom about spending Christmas in Mexico?”

He’s been trying to do that back when they had only been dating for 2 years. Ever since then he’s been trying to coordinate it in both a serious and a non serious manner. Deep down they knew it’s something he really wanted to do.

Steve winced, “Not quite, the decision is still pending, there’s always next year though. Maybe the freezing weather upstate would be enough to change her mind.” They both shared a laugh, Steve found himself staring at her for a bit, reminiscing her smile fondly. “No but uh seriously, I’m actually spending this year with my uh, my girlfriend. Kind of bouncing off a Moscow flight and getting on one to Paris.”

“Really..Christmas in Paris..wow..” he has a new girlfriend now..okay, that’s cool, he could do whatever, it’s not like it’s any of her business right? Also, he’s spending Christmas in Paris? The very last time he’s been to Paris was with each other and it was for Valentine’s Day, or so she assumes that was his last time.

“Mhm,” he averted his eyes for a second and took a sip of his coffee. “Have you..you know, started dating again?”

“No, I mean yeah, but it hasn’t been anything serious,” Steve lifted a brow. “Just not officially dating anyone, although there have been a couple guys here and there, nothing long lasting.” She swore she saw his jaw flex for a quick moment.

Not as serious as 4 years? You don’t say. “Huh..what about that one guy that you posted on your Instagram a couple times?” He hoped he didn’t sound jealous or intrusive. There wasn’t anything wrong with still following each other was there? It’s not like they were bitter exes, they were friends, friends follow each other on social media don’t they?

To be honest she wasn’t sure he still kept up with social media because he doesn’t post anything, not even his so-called new girlfriend.. All their pictures and memories were removed from each other’s pages which might’ve taken a couple weeks or an entire month given the length of their relationship.

“If you mean Connor then he’s just a friend. I think you guys met on a couple occasions actually.”

“I knew his face looked familiar. He’s the scruffy looking guy right? From the pictures I figured you two were dating but it’s probably taking you awhile to move on.” Steve didn’t realize the weight of his sentence until it marinated in his mind. “Wait, no that sounds bad, that’s not what I meant to-“

“I know—what you meant, Steve.” She gave him one last look up and down. “Look It was nice seeing you..merry Christmas,” she said neutrally before walking past him.

“Yeah..merry Christmas.”

Wow that went great. Totally not awkward at it, this was sarcasm in case anyone’s wondering, of course he’d change a few things about that conversation more specifically how it started and finished.

Obviously he didn’t mean any harm by his words but when you haven’t seen your ex girlfriend in over a year it does some things to your speech, especially if you’ve loved the girl for 4 years straight.

Steve sighed as he watched his ex walk away, taking a long drink of his coffee. Not staring at her for too long though. One because he didn’t want to look like a creep and two because he still feels this tingling longing sensation whenever he looks or thinks about her.

When he brought up her Instagram post he got this weird feeling inside him, something he felt the first time she posted those photos as well.

At first he felt like she was cheating on him then he immediately pushed that ridiculous thought from his brain as soon as he reminded himself that she was single now. He’d just have to deal with it.

He moved into the seat that was once occupied by her, checking the time before his flight took off. The time buzzed away and was instead replaced with his mom’s contact name, showing that she was calling him.

“Hey ma.”

“ _ Hi honey, did you make it to the airport safely?” _

“I did and you’ll never guess who I saw-“

“ _ Natasha.” _

Uh wow, ok? That was pretty weird. Steve had to check around him to make sure his mom hadn’t been stalking him. He never liked for him to take long flights. “Yeah..how’d you know?”

“ _ Ever since you broke up I’m always assuming she’s the person you’d randomly see one day.” Only she hoped they’d run to each other and kiss like in all the Hallmark movies. “What’s she doing there, off to Russia?” _

“Yeah,” Steve examined his coffee, swirling it around. “For family, she’s not with another guy either.”

_ Sarah snickered on the other end. “And why would that be a concern for you, Mr.I’m over her?” _

“I-it’s not! I’m just saying she’s not with anyone, it was just a simple observation.”

“ _ Mm, sure. Well everyone’s here at the house, your father just went out for more eggnog, we’re waiting on you to arrive to start the activities..Unless of course you plan on staying in Moscow and winning Tasha back over?” _

“What? Ma, no alright we had this discussion already, it’s over between us, we’re just friends now and that’s perfectly fine.”

_ Sarah took a deep breath, “Whatever you say son. And don’t you dare think about inviting that Lillian girl, I don’t like her.” _

“Yeah, yeah. I know.” The announcer called his flight, letting him know it was boarding. “I gotta go ma, love you.”

“ _ Love you too- and tell Tasha I said hi!” _

Steve hung up, yeahhh that wasn’t happening.

_ They're singing "Deck The Halls" _

_ But it's not like Christmas at all _

_ 'Cause I remember when you were here _

_ And all the fun we had last year _

Of course they’d bump into each other. Why she thought it’d be avoidable, Natasha’s not sure. They’ve got mutual friends for fucksake, she doesn’t know which scenario is worst. Seeing him at the airport on his way to Paris to be with another woman or possibly seeing him at one of their friend’s wedding with someone else attached to his arm..

Natasha remembers the first wedding they went to together. It was for his aunt and even though she and Steve weren’t the ones getting married, the entire event felt so magical. She used to daydream about walking down the aisle and meeting him at the altar, how perfect she knew he’d make everything. How they’ve spent hours creating this fake wedding in their head. Even arguing over the location of said fake wedding..

Then she gave him up. That wasn’t the reason they broke up, but it did lead to a lot of deep conversations about their future together. Steve even brought up the mention of having a baby together at one point, even if Natasha slowly fell in love with the idea, that dream was too gone.

Why would she give up someone as sweet and perfect like him?

_ Steve came into their room, letting out a quiet chuckle when she lowly groaned in annoyance and slight pain after another wave of her cramps struck. He just got back from working and normally they do go to the gym together but today or week rather was hitting her hard because her body wants to put her through hell. _

_ Her boyfriend loomed over her, feeling him softly kiss her forehead. “You want me to get you anything?” _

_ Natasha hummed a low noise of disapproval. “Just get back in bed, please?” She asked him delicately. _

_ “Let me take a quick shower and I’ll be with you.” His pressed another kiss to her forehead. _

_ Steve fulfilled his words, taking a speedy shower and getting back in the bed where he came into his girlfriend’s side, comfortably spooning her. “What day are we on?” He asked, warmly rubbing her stomach. _

_ Natasha smiled, she likes how he makes it seem like he has a period too and they’re on it together. “Day 4,” she mumbled out an answer, taking appreciation in how he kissed along her neck. _

_ Knowing the pattern of her cycle, Steve knew either today or tomorrow would be the last day of it. “I think we’ll be able to pull through.” _

Yup..she broke up with a man that spooned and cuddled her when she was on her period.

And he would do so much more than that. His maturity and obvious amount of respect he has for her would make her heart swoon. Although she wouldn’t mind if he didn’t, but he would knock on the bathroom door if she’s in there. He’s so reliable and accountable and just—perfect.

Then she starts to remember they’ve been broken up for a year and it’s been approximately 365 days since she’s experienced these behaviors in another man.

It was always just sex, sex and sex with the guys she’s encountered both prior to and after Steve. But with the blond they have genuine fun together..now another woman gets to experience that with him.

——

Even though Steve said he wouldn’t keep an eye on his ex and offer her personal space out of consideration over his previous comment regarding her relationship status.

He hadn’t meant to come off as rude or possibly blunt, but he just accidentally blurted it out. He’s still not sure, he was possibly just a little anxious over seeing her again and why wouldn’t he be? Hello? This was Natasha he was speaking about. The same woman who he fell in love with. The same woman who he introduced to his parents and in doing so, his family fell in love with her too.

So yes, it may have been considered a little stalker-ish, but it’s not like he was breathing down her neck. He was at a respectable good feet, precisely 20 yards away under football field circumstances..

It was just a natural instinct! He’s used to watching over her and protecting her. So even if they’re not together, that doesn’t mean he still doesn’t care for her. What if some creep tries to touch her inappropriately? Obviously it opened room for him to step in and beat the guy up, it’s just his boyfriend instinct taking effect...ex-boyfriend instinct.

It was weird not sitting next to her while they waited for the flight to start boarding. Steve tried to distract himself by lurking on his phone which was pretty much useless because the airport’s WiFi was bad and interrupted his wireless connection. It was also one of the reasons he didn’t bother with pulling out his laptop, so now here he was, deleting old photos out his photo album and getting rid of old text messages and files on his phone.

Steve made the bold decision of looking towards where Natasha had been sitting, she wasn’t on the phone, instead she was reading a book. The cover read “Dark Psychology” definitely something she’d be reading. Actually, she’s one of the only people he knew that reads for fun and she does it so unapologetically. Her reading habits is what led him to take his own liking into literature.

“ _ Attention all flight passengers, we are now boarding for the 10am flight to Moscow, we are now boarding the 10am flight to Moscow.” _

Steve sighed as he got up, picking up his traveling suitcase. He almost made the mistake of going over to Natasha and picking up her bag. It was an impulse he had as to where he’d carry their luggage with no problem but Ms.Independent over there didn’t even blink twice when she did it on her own.

The boarding process was always tedious. Taking at least 45 minutes until everyone was on board and another hour for the flight to take off. Or at least that’s usually how it goes, this time around it felt a little longer and the man sitting next to him had fallen asleep on his sh

The same man that her family endlessly adored. How he’d try to plan dates almost every week and openly showed her affection around his own friends and family. Such a good listener and wasn’t afraid to buy her feminine products like tampons whenever she needed and cuddled with her whenever her cramps would be pure hell. Even though he wasn’t that great in the kitchen, he would still look up recipes to have her wake up to breakfast in bed. All of his sweet kisses.

And of course the sex..it was good—really  _ really _ good. The kind of good that would not make a person care about being late to work. They were so comfortable around each other which only made their in-bed activities so much so better and satisfying. Above all, the man...was a great eater..not  _ food _ eater but-

_ Natasha glanced down and threw her head back only a couple seconds later, pushing her fingers through his hair and gripping it. It’s been 5 minutes and he’s showing no signs of stopping even as her vision is becoming a little more blurry. _

And she gave all of it up…

Natasha took a seat at a nearby barstool of a coffee shop in the airport. She wasn’t exactly the biggest fan of coffee, but she only drank it whenever she found herself overthinking things. 

Normally whenever her mind became flooded with situations and scenarios Steve would be the one that would be able to get her to relax. Whether it’s with going on a date to simply lazily laying with each other on the couch.

That was certainly a favorite of hers. Just laying fully or partially on top of him and binge watching whatever show on Netflix. There’s something about that man’s hold that was just..fuck. “I’ll have an iced coffee, straight.”

_ I don't want a lot for Christmas _

_ There is just one thing I need _

_ I don't care about the presents _

_ Underneath the Christmas tree _

_ I just want you for my own _

_ More than you could ever know _

_ Make my wish come true _

_ All I want for Christmas is you _

Steve walked through the airport, looking over his flight ticket while Mariah Carey blared in his ear, just what he needed. Steve took a deep breath. He was nervous about his destination, it’s been awhile since he last flew anywhere. Not to be that kind of guy after a breakup, but he wasn’t exactly quick to jump into another party in hopes of getting laid. Who were his friends kidding?

He just came out of a 4 year relationship with a woman he loved with all his heart, it’d take him time to move on.

..It’s been a year since he’s been saying that and he’s still keeping that thought in his head. 

It takes time to move on

_ It takes time to move on _

It’s been a year since their break up, how much more time could he possibly need before he’s able to stop envisioning her red hair at the most inappropriate and untimely moments? Stop seeing her green eyes, to stop imagining her knocking on his door and begging for them to get back together. Was it wrong that he hopes to fully get over her before she’s fully over him? 

Hang on, was she even over him? After all she’s the one that broke things off, wouldn’t that mean he’d be emotionally unavailable for a longer period of time?

Here he goes. Over thinking again. Normally whenever this happens Natasha’s there to pull him out of his thoughts. She pulls him into the kitchen and has them cook a new recipe together, she’d lay on top of him or partially beside him on the couch or in their room depending on where they’d want to watch tv. They ramble on and on to each other about the littlest and meaningless things but to Steve, one small word from her had a thousand meanings and he loved hearing what’s on her mind.

There’s something about that woman being in his arms that brings this warm and fuzzy feeling inside them. Like it’s where she’s meant to be. 

Damn, he needs a drink. It was pretty early for alcohol but it's not like airports served strong alcoholic beverages at all. For this morning he’d settle for a coffee. He enjoys the taste of it, especially in the winter around this time of year, it tasted more Christmasy. Sometimes he’d opt out for a hot chocolate only because Natasha would make it sound so good at the time.

“Can I get a large coffee, two creams, one sugar?” Steve ordered. Just as Steve ordered he heard a voice say thank you.

Just as Natasha received her order she heard a voice ask for a very familiar coffee request..

Their eyes looked up at the same time, connecting like magnets and both freezing at the sight of the other, not able to understand how this happened or even why this happened.

What would you say to someone you’ve dated for 4 years and broke up with only a year ago? How was this supposed to play out? Was it all just some dumb joke, coincidence, fate?

Or maybe two exes just randomly meeting in an airport but that option sounds less than likely.

Natasha noticed his appearance..he had a beard now. Or at least growing one it seemed. It looked as if it was in a trimming phase. He also cut his hair down to a buzzcut. It was different, a good difference. But different nonetheless.

Steve kicked himself to say something to her. “Nat? I-I mean Natasha..why are you here?” Judging by the way she raised a brow and from his own self reflection, that wasn’t the best way to greet an ex he hasn’t seen in a long time. 

The more she thought about the question the less offense she took to it. He didn’t even seem like he properly unscrambled his words and did look pretty embarrassed after they came out. “Because I plan on flying in one of those planes out there.”

“Really? That’s weird, so do I.” Steve made a quick note when she drank some of her coffee that she didn’t have any ring on her finger. Good so she wasn’t engaged. Not that it was any of his business or anything..but still good to know. He also noticed that she was drinking coffee. “I see you’ve taken a liking into more things the past year. I never thought you’d become a coffee drinker.”

“I’m not,” she shrugged, “I don’t know how you do it.” Steve gave a small smile, she likes the sight of it. It’s been a long time since she last saw it. He was always so genuine with the way he looks at a person.

Now they were just standing in front of each other. Were they really not gonna address their break up? It’s not like it was an intervention so they didn’t really have to, but still. Just because they weren’t together didn’t mean they couldn’t talk like humans.

“So..you off to Russia?” Steve asked, sticking a hand in his pocket, finding more comfort in the conversation. He knew she was easy to talk to.

“As usual. Nothing new, just visiting family.”

“Please how can spending Christmas in 60 acres of land get old?”

“Well when you spend almost every holiday there and grew up in the country it gets a little tedious.”

Steve grinned, man he loved visiting that place, he loved the entire culture and even learned a little Russian. His interest in speaking the language fluently stopped when..well ya know. “Not inviting Darcy or Wanda?”

“They’re both dealing with family too. What about you, did you finally convince your mom about spending Christmas in Mexico?”

He’s been trying to do that back when they had only been dating for 2 years. Ever since then he’s been trying to coordinate it in both a serious and a non serious manner. Deep down they knew it’s something he really wanted to do.

Steve winced, “Not quite, the decision is still pending, there’s always next year though. Maybe the freezing weather upstate would be enough to change her mind.” They both shared a laugh, Steve found himself staring at her for a bit, reminiscing her smile fondly. “No but uh seriously, I’m actually spending this year with my uh, my girlfriend. Kind of bouncing off a Moscow flight and getting on one to Paris.”

“Really..Christmas in Paris..wow..” he has a new girlfriend now..okay, that’s cool, he could do whatever, it’s not like it’s any of her business right? Also, he’s spending Christmas in Paris? The very last time he’s been to Paris was with each other and it was for Valentine’s Day, or so she assumes that was his last time.

“Mhm,” he averted his eyes for a second and took a sip of his coffee. “Have you..you know, started dating again?”

“No, I mean yeah, but it hasn’t been anything serious,” Steve lifted a brow. “Just not officially dating anyone, although there have been a couple guys here and there, nothing long lasting.” She swore she saw his jaw flex for a quick moment.

Not as serious as 4 years? You don’t say. “Huh..what about that one guy that you posted on your Instagram a couple times?” He hoped he didn’t sound jealous or intrusive. There wasn’t anything wrong with still following each other was there? It’s not like they were bitter exes, they were friends, friends follow each other on social media don’t they?

To be honest she wasn’t sure he still kept up with social media because he doesn’t post anything, not even his so-called new girlfriend.. All their pictures and memories were removed from each other’s pages which might’ve taken a couple weeks or an entire month given the length of their relationship.

“If you mean Connor then he’s just a friend. I think you guys met on a couple occasions actually.”

“I knew his face looked familiar. He’s the scruffy looking guy right? From the pictures I figured you two were dating but it’s probably taking you awhile to move on.” Steve didn’t realize the weight of his sentence until it marinated in his mind. “Wait, no that sounds bad, that’s not what I meant to-“

“I know—what you meant, Steve.” She gave him one last look up and down. “Look It was nice seeing you..merry Christmas,” she said neutrally before walking past him.

“Yeah..merry Christmas.”

Wow that went great. Totally not awkward at it, this was sarcasm in case anyone’s wondering, of course he’d change a few things about that conversation more specifically how it started and finished.

Obviously he didn’t mean any harm by his words but when you haven’t seen your ex girlfriend in over a year it does some things to your speech, especially if you’ve loved the girl for 4 years straight.

Steve sighed as he watched his ex walk away, taking a long drink of his coffee. Not staring at her for too long though. One because he didn’t want to look like a creep and two because he still feels this tingling longing sensation whenever he looks or thinks about her.

When he brought up her Instagram post he got this weird feeling inside him, something he felt the first time she posted those photos as well.

At first he felt like she was cheating on him then he immediately pushed that ridiculous thought from his brain as soon as he reminded himself that she was single now. He’d just have to deal with it.

He moved into the seat that was once occupied by her, checking the time before his flight took off. The time buzzed away and was instead replaced with his mom’s contact name, showing that she was calling him.

“Hey ma.”

“ _ Hi honey, did you make it to the airport safely?” _

“I did and you’ll never guess who I saw-“

“ _ Natasha.” _

Uh wow, ok? That was pretty weird. Steve had to check around him to make sure his mom hadn’t been stalking him. He never liked for him to take long flights. “Yeah..how’d you know?”

“ _ Ever since you broke up I’m always assuming she’s the person you’d randomly see one day.” Only she hoped they’d run to each other and kiss like in all the Hallmark movies. “What’s she doing there, off to Russia?” _

“Yeah,” Steve examined his coffee, swirling it around. “For family, she’s not with another guy either.”

_ Sarah snickered on the other end. “And why would that be a concern for you, Mr.I’m over her?” _

“I-it’s not! I’m just saying she’s not with anyone, it was just a simple observation.”

“ _ Mm, sure. Well everyone’s here at the house, your father just went out for more eggnog, we’re waiting on you to arrive to start the activities..Unless of course you plan on staying in Moscow and winning Tasha back over?” _

“What? Ma, no alright we had this discussion already, it’s over between us, we’re just friends now and that’s perfectly fine.”

_ Sarah took a deep breath, “Whatever you say son. And don’t you dare think about inviting that Lillian girl, I don’t like her.” _

“Yeah, yeah. I know.” The announcer called his flight, letting him know it was boarding. “I gotta go ma, love you.”

“ _ Love you too- and tell Tasha I said hi!” _

Steve hung up, yeahhh that wasn’t happening.

_ They're singing "Deck The Halls" _

_ But it's not like Christmas at all _

_ 'Cause I remember when you were here _

_ And all the fun we had last year _

Of course they’d bump into each other. Why she thought it’d be avoidable, Natasha’s not sure. They’ve got mutual friends for fucksake, she doesn’t know which scenario is worst. Seeing him at the airport on his way to Paris to be with another woman or possibly seeing him at one of their friend’s wedding with someone else attached to his arm..

Natasha remembers the first wedding they went to together. It was for his aunt and even though she and Steve weren’t the ones getting married, the entire event felt so magical. She used to daydream about walking down the aisle and meeting him at the altar, how perfect she knew he’d make everything. How they’ve spent hours creating this fake wedding in their head. Even arguing over the location of said fake wedding..

Then she gave him up. That wasn’t the reason they broke up, but it did lead to a lot of deep conversations about their future together. Steve even brought up the mention of having a baby together at one point, even if Natasha slowly fell in love with the idea, that dream was too gone.

Why would she give up someone as sweet and perfect like him?

_ Steve came into their room, letting out a quiet chuckle when she lowly groaned in annoyance and slight pain after another wave of her cramps struck. He just got back from working and normally they do go to the gym together but today or week rather was hitting her hard because her body wants to put her through hell. _

_ Her boyfriend loomed over her, feeling him softly kiss her forehead. “You want me to get you anything?” _

_ Natasha hummed a low noise of disapproval. “Just get back in bed, please?” She asked him delicately. _

_ “Let me take a quick shower and I’ll be with you.” His pressed another kiss to her forehead. _

_ Steve fulfilled his words, taking a speedy shower and getting back in the bed where he came into his girlfriend’s side, comfortably spooning her. “What day are we on?” He asked, warmly rubbing her stomach. _

_ Natasha smiled, she likes how he makes it seem like he has a period too and they’re on it together. “Day 4,” she mumbled out an answer, taking appreciation in how he kissed along her neck. _

_ Knowing the pattern of her cycle, Steve knew either today or tomorrow would be the last day of it. “I think we’ll be able to pull through.” _

Yup..she broke up with a man that spooned and cuddled her when she was on her period.

And he would do so much more than that. His maturity and obvious amount of respect he has for her would make her heart swoon. Although she wouldn’t mind if he didn’t, but he would knock on the bathroom door if she’s in there. He’s so reliable and accountable and just—perfect.

Then she starts to remember they’ve been broken up for a year and it’s been approximately 365 days since she’s experienced these behaviors in another man.

It was always just sex, sex and sex with the guys she’s encountered both prior to and after Steve. But with the blond they have genuine fun together..now another woman gets to experience that with him.

* * *

Even though Steve said he wouldn’t keep an eye on his ex and offer her personal space out of consideration over his previous comment regarding her relationship status.

He hadn’t meant to come off as rude or possibly blunt, but he just accidentally blurted it out. He’s still not sure, he was possibly just a little anxious over seeing her again and why wouldn’t he be? Hello? This was Natasha he was speaking about. The same woman who he fell in love with. The same woman who he introduced to his parents and in doing so, his family fell in love with her too.

So yes, it may have been considered a little stalker-ish, but it’s not like he was breathing down her neck. He was at a respectable good feet, precisely 20 yards away under football field circumstances..

It was just a natural instinct! He’s used to watching over her and protecting her. So even if they’re not together, that doesn’t mean he still doesn’t care for her. What if some creep tries to touch her inappropriately? Obviously it opened room for him to step in and beat the guy up, it’s just his boyfriend instinct taking effect...ex-boyfriend instinct.

It was weird not sitting next to her while they waited for the flight to start boarding. Steve tried to distract himself by lurking on his phone which was pretty much useless because the airport’s WiFi was bad and interrupted his wireless connection. It was also one of the reasons he didn’t bother with pulling out his laptop, so now here he was, deleting old photos out his photo album and getting rid of old text messages and files on his phone.

Steve made the bold decision of looking towards where Natasha had been sitting, she wasn’t on the phone, instead she was reading a book. The cover read “Dark Psychology” definitely something she’d be reading. Actually, she’s one of the only people he knew that reads for fun and she does it so unapologetically. Her reading habits is what led him to take his own liking into literature.

“ _ Attention all flight passengers, we are now boarding for the 10am flight to Moscow, we are now boarding the 10am flight to Moscow.” _

Steve sighed as he got up, picking up his traveling suitcase. He almost made the mistake of going over to Natasha and picking up her bag. It was an impulse he had as to where he’d carry their luggage with no problem but Ms.Independent over there didn’t even blink twice when she did it on her own.

The boarding process was always tedious. Taking at least 45 minutes until everyone was on board and another hour for the flight to take off. Or at least that’s usually how it goes, this time around it felt a little longer and the man sitting next to him had fallen asleep on his sh

The same man that her family endlessly adored. How he’d try to plan dates almost every week and openly showed her affection around his own friends and family. Such a good listener and wasn’t afraid to buy her feminine products like tampons whenever she needed and cuddled with her whenever her cramps would be pure hell. Even though he wasn’t that great in the kitchen, he would still look up recipes to have her wake up to breakfast in bed. All of his sweet kisses.

And of course the sex..it was good—really  _ really _ good. The kind of good that would not make a person care about being late to work. They were so comfortable around each other which only made their in-bed activities so much so better and satisfying. Above all, the man...was a great eater..not  _ food _ eater but-

_ Natasha glanced down and threw her head back only a couple seconds later, pushing her fingers through his hair and gripping it. It’s been 5 minutes and he’s showing no signs of stopping even as her vision is becoming a little more blurry. _

And she gave all of it up…

Natasha took a seat at a nearby barstool of a coffee shop in the airport. She wasn’t exactly the biggest fan of coffee, but she only drank it whenever she found herself overthinking things. 

Normally whenever her mind became flooded with situations and scenarios Steve would be the one that would be able to get her to relax. Whether it’s with going on a date to simply lazily laying with each other on the couch.

That was certainly a favorite of hers. Just laying fully or partially on top of him and binge watching whatever show on Netflix. There’s something about that man’s hold that was just..fuck. “I’ll have an iced coffee, straight.”

_ I don't want a lot for Christmas _

_ There is just one thing I need _

_ I don't care about the presents _

_ Underneath the Christmas tree _

_ I just want you for my own _

_ More than you could ever know _

_ Make my wish come true _

_ All I want for Christmas is you _

Steve walked through the airport, looking over his flight ticket while Mariah Carey blared in his ear, just what he needed. Steve took a deep breath. He was nervous about his destination, it’s been awhile since he last flew anywhere. Not to be that kind of guy after a breakup, but he wasn’t exactly quick to jump into another party in hopes of getting laid. Who were his friends kidding?

He just came out of a 4 year relationship with a woman he loved with all his heart, it’d take him time to move on.

..It’s been a year since he’s been saying that and he’s still keeping that thought in his head. 

It takes time to move on

_ It takes time to move on _

It’s been a year since their break up, how much more time could he possibly need before he’s able to stop envisioning her red hair at the most inappropriate and untimely moments? Stop seeing her green eyes, to stop imagining her knocking on his door and begging for them to get back together. Was it wrong that he hopes to fully get over her before she’s fully over him? 

Hang on, was she even over him? After all she’s the one that broke things off, wouldn’t that mean he’d be emotionally unavailable for a longer period of time?

Here he goes. Over thinking again. Normally whenever this happens Natasha’s there to pull him out of his thoughts. She pulls him into the kitchen and has them cook a new recipe together, she’d lay on top of him or partially beside him on the couch or in their room depending on where they’d want to watch tv. They ramble on and on to each other about the littlest and meaningless things but to Steve, one small word from her had a thousand meanings and he loved hearing what’s on her mind.

There’s something about that woman being in his arms that brings this warm and fuzzy feeling inside them. Like it’s where she’s meant to be. 

Damn, he needs a drink. It was pretty early for alcohol but it's not like airports served strong alcoholic beverages at all. For this morning he’d settle for a coffee. He enjoys the taste of it, especially in the winter around this time of year, it tasted more Christmasy. Sometimes he’d opt out for a hot chocolate only because Natasha would make it sound so good at the time.

“Can I get a large coffee, two creams, one sugar?” Steve ordered. Just as Steve ordered he heard a voice say thank you.

Just as Natasha received her order she heard a voice ask for a very familiar coffee request..

Their eyes looked up at the same time, connecting like magnets and both freezing at the sight of the other, not able to understand how this happened or even why this happened.

What would you say to someone you’ve dated for 4 years and broke up with only a year ago? How was this supposed to play out? Was it all just some dumb joke, coincidence, fate?

Or maybe two exes just randomly meeting in an airport but that option sounds less than likely.

Natasha noticed his appearance..he had a beard now. Or at least growing one it seemed. It looked as if it was in a trimming phase. He also cut his hair down to a buzzcut. It was different, a good difference. But different nonetheless.

Steve kicked himself to say something to her. “Nat? I-I mean Natasha..why are you here?” Judging by the way she raised a brow and from his own self reflection, that wasn’t the best way to greet an ex he hasn’t seen in a long time. 

The more she thought about the question the less offense she took to it. He didn’t even seem like he properly unscrambled his words and did look pretty embarrassed after they came out. “Because I plan on flying in one of those planes out there.”

“Really? That’s weird, so do I.” Steve made a quick note when she drank some of her coffee that she didn’t have any ring on her finger. Good so she wasn’t engaged. Not that it was any of his business or anything..but still good to know. He also noticed that she was drinking coffee. “I see you’ve taken a liking into more things the past year. I never thought you’d become a coffee drinker.”

“I’m not,” she shrugged, “I don’t know how you do it.” Steve gave a small smile, she likes the sight of it. It’s been a long time since she last saw it. He was always so genuine with the way he looks at a person.

Now they were just standing in front of each other. Were they really not gonna address their break up? It’s not like it was an intervention so they didn’t really have to, but still. Just because they weren’t together didn’t mean they couldn’t talk like humans.

“So..you off to Russia?” Steve asked, sticking a hand in his pocket, finding more comfort in the conversation. He knew she was easy to talk to.

“As usual. Nothing new, just visiting family.”

“Please how can spending Christmas in 60 acres of land get old?”

“Well when you spend almost every holiday there and grew up in the country it gets a little tedious.”

Steve grinned, man he loved visiting that place, he loved the entire culture and even learned a little Russian. His interest in speaking the language fluently stopped when..well ya know. “Not inviting Darcy or Wanda?”

“They’re both dealing with family too. What about you, did you finally convince your mom about spending Christmas in Mexico?”

He’s been trying to do that back when they had only been dating for 2 years. Ever since then he’s been trying to coordinate it in both a serious and a non serious manner. Deep down they knew it’s something he really wanted to do.

Steve winced, “Not quite, the decision is still pending, there’s always next year though. Maybe the freezing weather upstate would be enough to change her mind.” They both shared a laugh, Steve found himself staring at her for a bit, reminiscing her smile fondly. “No but uh seriously, I’m actually spending this year with my uh, my girlfriend. Kind of bouncing off a Moscow flight and getting on one to Paris.”

“Really..Christmas in Paris..wow..” he has a new girlfriend now..okay, that’s cool, he could do whatever, it’s not like it’s any of her business right? Also, he’s spending Christmas in Paris? The very last time he’s been to Paris was with each other and it was for Valentine’s Day, or so she assumes that was his last time.

“Mhm,” he averted his eyes for a second and took a sip of his coffee. “Have you..you know, started dating again?”

“No, I mean yeah, but it hasn’t been anything serious,” Steve lifted a brow. “Just not officially dating anyone, although there have been a couple guys here and there, nothing long lasting.” She swore she saw his jaw flex for a quick moment.

Not as serious as 4 years? You don’t say. “Huh..what about that one guy that you posted on your Instagram a couple times?” He hoped he didn’t sound jealous or intrusive. There wasn’t anything wrong with still following each other was there? It’s not like they were bitter exes, they were friends, friends follow each other on social media don’t they?

To be honest she wasn’t sure he still kept up with social media because he doesn’t post anything, not even his so-called new girlfriend.. All their pictures and memories were removed from each other’s pages which might’ve taken a couple weeks or an entire month given the length of their relationship.

“If you mean Connor then he’s just a friend. I think you guys met on a couple occasions actually.”

“I knew his face looked familiar. He’s the scruffy looking guy right? From the pictures I figured you two were dating but it’s probably taking you awhile to move on.” Steve didn’t realize the weight of his sentence until it marinated in his mind. “Wait, no that sounds bad, that’s not what I meant to-“

“I know—what you meant, Steve.” She gave him one last look up and down. “Look It was nice seeing you..merry Christmas,” she said neutrally before walking past him.

“Yeah..merry Christmas.”

Wow that went great. Totally not awkward at it, this was sarcasm in case anyone’s wondering, of course he’d change a few things about that conversation more specifically how it started and finished.

Obviously he didn’t mean any harm by his words but when you haven’t seen your ex girlfriend in over a year it does some things to your speech, especially if you’ve loved the girl for 4 years straight.

Steve sighed as he watched his ex walk away, taking a long drink of his coffee. Not staring at her for too long though. One because he didn’t want to look like a creep and two because he still feels this tingling longing sensation whenever he looks or thinks about her.

When he brought up her Instagram post he got this weird feeling inside him, something he felt the first time she posted those photos as well.

At first he felt like she was cheating on him then he immediately pushed that ridiculous thought from his brain as soon as he reminded himself that she was single now. He’d just have to deal with it.

He moved into the seat that was once occupied by her, checking the time before his flight took off. The time buzzed away and was instead replaced with his mom’s contact name, showing that she was calling him.

“Hey ma.”

“ _ Hi honey, did you make it to the airport safely?” _

“I did and you’ll never guess who I saw-“

“ _ Natasha.” _

Uh wow, ok? That was pretty weird. Steve had to check around him to make sure his mom hadn’t been stalking him. He never liked for him to take long flights. “Yeah..how’d you know?”

“ _ Ever since you broke up I’m always assuming she’s the person you’d randomly see one day.” Only she hoped they’d run to each other and kiss like in all the Hallmark movies. “What’s she doing there, off to Russia?” _

“Yeah,” Steve examined his coffee, swirling it around. “For family, she’s not with another guy either.”

_ Sarah snickered on the other end. “And why would that be a concern for you, Mr.I’m over her?” _

“I-it’s not! I’m just saying she’s not with anyone, it was just a simple observation.”

“ _ Mm, sure. Well everyone’s here at the house, your father just went out for more eggnog, we’re waiting on you to arrive to start the activities..Unless of course you plan on staying in Moscow and winning Tasha back over?” _

“What? Ma, no alright we had this discussion already, it’s over between us, we’re just friends now and that’s perfectly fine.”

_ Sarah took a deep breath, “Whatever you say son. And don’t you dare think about inviting that Lillian girl, I don’t like her.” _

“Yeah, yeah. I know.” The announcer called his flight, letting him know it was boarding. “I gotta go ma, love you.”

“ _ Love you too- and tell Tasha I said hi!” _

Steve hung up, yeahhh that wasn’t happening.

_ They're singing "Deck The Halls" _

_ But it's not like Christmas at all _

_ 'Cause I remember when you were here _

_ And all the fun we had last year _

Of course they’d bump into each other. Why she thought it’d be avoidable, Natasha’s not sure. They’ve got mutual friends for fucksake, she doesn’t know which scenario is worst. Seeing him at the airport on his way to Paris to be with another woman or possibly seeing him at one of their friend’s wedding with someone else attached to his arm..

Natasha remembers the first wedding they went to together. It was for his aunt and even though she and Steve weren’t the ones getting married, the entire event felt so magical. She used to daydream about walking down the aisle and meeting him at the altar, how perfect she knew he’d make everything. How they’ve spent hours creating this fake wedding in their head. Even arguing over the location of said fake wedding..

Then she gave him up. That wasn’t the reason they broke up, but it did lead to a lot of deep conversations about their future together. Steve even brought up the mention of having a baby together at one point, even if Natasha slowly fell in love with the idea, that dream was too gone.

Why would she give up someone as sweet and perfect like him?

_ Steve came into their room, letting out a quiet chuckle when she lowly groaned in annoyance and slight pain after another wave of her cramps struck. He just got back from working and normally they do go to the gym together but today or week rather was hitting her hard because her body wants to put her through hell. _

_ Her boyfriend loomed over her, feeling him softly kiss her forehead. “You want me to get you anything?” _

_ Natasha hummed a low noise of disapproval. “Just get back in bed, please?” She asked him delicately. _

_ “Let me take a quick shower and I’ll be with you.” His pressed another kiss to her forehead. _

_ Steve fulfilled his words, taking a speedy shower and getting back in the bed where he came into his girlfriend’s side, comfortably spooning her. “What day are we on?” He asked, warmly rubbing her stomach. _

_ Natasha smiled, she likes how he makes it seem like he has a period too and they’re on it together. “Day 4,” she mumbled out an answer, taking appreciation in how he kissed along her neck. _

_ Knowing the pattern of her cycle, Steve knew either today or tomorrow would be the last day of it. “I think we’ll be able to pull through.” _

Yup..she broke up with a man that spooned and cuddled her when she was on her period.

And he would do so much more than that. His maturity and obvious amount of respect he has for her would make her heart swoon. Although she wouldn’t mind if he didn’t, but he would knock on the bathroom door if she’s in there. He’s so reliable and accountable and just—perfect.

Then she starts to remember they’ve been broken up for a year and it’s been approximately 365 days since she’s experienced these behaviors in another man.

It was always just sex, sex and sex with the guys she’s encountered both prior to and after Steve. But with the blond they have genuine fun together..now another woman gets to experience that with him.

* * *

Even though Steve said he wouldn’t keep an eye on his ex and offer her personal space out of consideration over his previous comment regarding her relationship status.

He hadn’t meant to come off as rude or possibly blunt, but he just accidentally blurted it out. He’s still not sure, he was possibly just a little anxious over seeing her again and why wouldn’t he be? Hello? This was Natasha he was speaking about. The same woman who he fell in love with. The same woman who he introduced to his parents and in doing so, his family fell in love with her too.

So yes, it may have been considered a little stalker-ish, but it’s not like he was breathing down her neck. He was at a respectable good feet, precisely 20 yards away under football field circumstances..

It was just a natural instinct! He’s used to watching over her and protecting her. So even if they’re not together, that doesn’t mean he still doesn’t care for her. What if some creep tries to touch her inappropriately? Obviously it opened room for him to step in and beat the guy up, it’s just his boyfriend instinct taking effect...ex-boyfriend instinct.

It was weird not sitting next to her while they waited for the flight to start boarding. Steve tried to distract himself by lurking on his phone which was pretty much useless because the airport’s WiFi was bad and interrupted his wireless connection. It was also one of the reasons he didn’t bother with pulling out his laptop, so now here he was, deleting old photos out his photo album and getting rid of old text messages and files on his phone.

Steve made the bold decision of looking towards where Natasha had been sitting, she wasn’t on the phone, instead she was reading a book. The cover read “Dark Psychology” definitely something she’d be reading. Actually, she’s one of the only people he knew that reads for fun and she does it so unapologetically. Her reading habits is what led him to take his own liking into literature.

“ _ Attention all flight passengers, we are now boarding for the 10am flight to Moscow, we are now boarding the 10am flight to Moscow.” _

Steve sighed as he got up, picking up his traveling suitcase. He almost made the mistake of going over to Natasha and picking up her bag. It was an impulse he had as to where he’d carry their luggage with no problem but Ms.Independent over there didn’t even blink twice when she did it on her own.

The boarding process was always tedious. Taking at least 45 minutes until everyone was on board and another hour for the flight to take off. Or at least that’s usually how it goes, this time around it felt a little longer and the man sitting next to him had fallen asleep on his sh

oulder. They had to have been sitting on this plane for what? 1 hour and still no sign of the plane moving?

Other passengers were starting to get a little rowdy and complain about how they were on a tight schedule. Steve couldn’t help but silently agree, he had somewhere very important to be and personal mission to fulfil.

“ _ Attention all passengers, there has been a weathering lockdown on both the airline and the airport. Reports of a blizzard taking full effect in the northeast region, making it unable to fly right now. We’re extremely sorry for the inconvenience as we’re asking everyone to unboard the flight immediately.” _

Massive amounts of complaints and angered tones yelled back at the bodiless voice, people frustratingly pulling their luggage out of the compartments, Steve watched as someone stepped out of their way to get Natasha’s bag down. The action made Steve feel somewhat bothered on his own account, he didn’t see her ask for help, but if she needed it, he’d be more than happy to step in and do it.

* * *

_ I'll be home for Christmas _

_ You can plan on me _

_ Please have snow and mistletoe _

_ And presents by the tree _

_ Christmas eve will find me _

_ Where the love light gleams _

_ I'll be home for Christmas _

_ If only in my dreams _

“ _ What? Наталья are you serious? Oh goodness that’s terrible.” Her mother spoke comfortably, knowing how much her daughter needed to be home right now and get her mind off Steve. “Is there any more information on it?” _

“Nothing so far, they said the plane isn’t flying anywhere until the skies clear up.”

“ _ Damn those United Airlines officials, if this had been your Uncle Vladimir and his cropduster he would’ve had you here already.” _

Natasha smiled, “Yeah tell me about it.”

_ Her mother lowly hummed on the other side. “Keep your chin up babydoll. This might make a good opportunity to make up with Steve-“ _

“Mom,” Natasha interrupted.

“ _ Okay, okay, that’s my last time, I promise. Call me as soon as you hear something about the flight, love you.” _

“Love you too.”

Steve could tell that she was upset, she just didn’t show it.

Steve let out a fairly loud and attentive breath of air as he went to the seat next to her. “I could hear the worried tone of a Russian woman miles away. Did that Russian woman happen to be your mom?”

“Yeah, she’s not too excited about me not coming home until late on Christmas Eve, but what can you do?”

“I don’t know.” He leaned back in the chair pretending to think deeply, “A kiss usually helps though, you want one?”

Natasha furrowed her brows at him, silently asking if he was serious, watching him grin and pull out a small bag of Hershey’s kisses. “Seriously?”

“Something wrong?” He chuckled, “You weren’t thinking about another kind of kiss, were you?” He smiled as she rolled her eyes. “Come on,” he lightly nudged her shoulder with his own. “I know they’re your favorite. Plus..I feel like I

should be making it up to you for the entire ‘moving on’ comment. It was insensitive of me and I should learn that things like this take time-”

See he messed up again. He was doing fine up until that final sentence. “You’re doing it again. Acting as if I’m heartbroken by seeing you. I really am over you Steve..you don’t have to apologize for things like that.”

“Uh alright then. That’s nice to hear.” He scratched his ear. Still wanting to talk to her and not move because he actually doesn’t want her to be on her own. He wants her to know that she can still be comfortable around him. “What kind of guys have you been seeing?”

Natasha shrugged, mentally listing off the guys she’s been connected to since him. “Honestly? Guys who are completely opposite of you. Not that  _ you  _ were the problem, but I’m trying to, you know, expand my terrain.” It came to her after her first date after breaking up with him that there’s never going to be another Steve. He set the bar unimaginably high..

Steve breathed out a little noise of humor. “So what? Guys with black hair? Tattoos? Piercings?” His eyes glanced off for a second.

“That’s—pretty accurate actually.” She doesn’t want to sound stereotypical but with her experience, “The piercings and the tattoos..it’s pretty appealing at first but they were really aggressive.”

Steve bit the inside of his mouth, sitting back in his chair and crossing his arms. “Aggressive hm?” They made eye contact, Steve giving her a knowing look, one which she dismissed immediately.

“Not like that.”

His demeanor calmed, he has a defensive aura when it comes to her. Together or not, he’d go to war for her and knowing that alone scared him a bit, this infatuation with her. “And what about..?”

Natasha knew what he was thinking and what he refused to put into words. It took her awhile to answer but when she did it was a simple nod. She has had sex during the year they haven’t been together. “You and your girlfriend I’m assuming..you guys obviously..”

“Uh yeah. Yeah.” Steve found how Natasha hadn’t been looking at him as a sign that maybe this too was a sensitive topic, sex with other people. If she thought it was hard on her part then Steve doesn’t want to mention how mentally annoyed he was over it. 

There’s tension between them. There definitely is. Unaware if it’s sexual or emotional..Maybe there’s some words between them that needed to be said but they didn’t. It’s so much history behind them. So much that needed to be said. In fact, Steve was still unaware of her motive behind breaking up with him.

“What’s her name?”

“What?”

“Your girlfriend? What’s her name?” Steve’s mouth dropped into something of a grin. It made Natasha wonder who this woman was, what she looked like, how she and Steve met..jealousy, in other words.

“Uh Lucy.”

“Lucy..” Natasha repeated, not wanting to come off as rude so she kept her facial expressions to herself. She couldn’t imagine him dating a “Lucy”. “That’s a pretty name.”

Steve hummed in response, his eyes still on her. She was always capable of hiding both what she was thinking and how she was feeling but she was slipping up this time around. Steve was reading her like a book and slowly started to feel like a dick for even saying these things to her.

Natasha took a deep breath just as Steve was ready to come clean, bringing her bag closer to her. She stood up, looking as if she was prepared to go elsewhere and she was.

Steve now sat up as well. “Bathroom?” 

“Um no, just somewhere, anywhere, other than here really.”

“Oh ok, yeah no problem.” His posture straightened, taking a hard swallow when she walked away from him with apparently no means of coming back. Steve didn’t shy away from laying back into the chair with a small sigh. “Idiot,” he murmured to himself, bringing his hands to his face. Attempting to distract himself with his phone then he realized again that the WiFi sucked.

* * *

_ Merry Christmas darling _

_ We're apart that's true _

_ But I can dream and in my dreams _

_ I'm Christmasing with you _

_ Holidays are joyful _

_ There's always something new _

_ But ev'ryday's a holiday _

_ When I'm near to you _

There’s not much that he can do. He took a small nap, but genuinely speaking he’s been sitting in this same seat for 2 hours. He should move around, check out some of the scenery since it’s obvious he’d be here for a while.

By scenery he meant the inside of the airport. He couldn’t go outside because they’re shut in for a bit, based on the view outside and the heavy snowfall, being shut in for a bit was an understatement, it was really coming down out there.

Steve remembers the moments he and Natasha had gotten sheltered in their apartment during a blizzard. The power went out for a few hours in their entire building so they found joy in just being near each other. Making hot chocolate, cuddling, talking about their future. The interest of having a baby was brought up.

They even shared a list of potential baby names, both falling in love with the shared interest of the name Ailani for a girl and James for a boy, sticking by his Irish roots. They mentioned those names to his mom one time and she started tearing up because she thought Natasha had been pregnant.

Some nights at the randomness of times he pictures what it would be like had she had been carrying his child. What would he be like as a dad? How would they behave as parents? They’re still pretty young after all, not even in their thirties yet, no rush but whenever he thought about his future Natasha was always part of it.

His bags were stored away beneath the chair of a secluded area, he wandered across the different gift stores and restaurants for quite a while, just to get a new view.

What he spotted was greater, he happened to come across the head of red hair that he saw 2 hours ago.

Steve’s only able to hear most of their conversation, kind of like the middle of it. He doesn’t want to eavesdrop but he’s here..he also wanted a pretzel so was it really being nosy if they decided to have their conversation near to him?

“You look kind of young,” Natasha commented.

The random man smiled charmingly as he leaned against the side of the table. “I get that a lot. Believe it or not I’m actually 28. I have the driver’s license and state ID to prove it. I’d buy a beer right now but unfortunately we’re not in the proper setting.”

“That sucks because you really do have a baby face. It’s hard for me to believe if you’re 28 like you say or a 17 year old trying his luck with older women.”

The man scoffed wholeheartedly. “What 17 year old has a deep voice and tattoos sleeved across his arm?”

“Growing up in my hometown I can surely name a few,” she joked. “What’s the reason you came over to me?”

His name was Isaac, Isaac sighed, “Well to be honest and don’t laugh..my mom pointed you out. As weird and slightly stalker-ish as it may sound she said you look like ‘girlfriend material’ . Then she pointed out how pretty you are and then that you were here alone. You don’t have a boyfriend, do you?” He asked a little on the shy side.

“Not at the moment no, but-“

“But she’s not really looking for one either.” Steve threw his arm around her shoulder, pulling her closer and smiling at her, one which Natasha fakely returned and did her best not to look Steve in his little sneaky and overprotective eyes. 

“Oh. You two are..” he pointed a finger between the two of them. Steve winced awkwardly and nodded, rubbing the side of Natasha’s arm resulting in Isaac to back off. He held his hands up in defense. “Sorry then, I guess. Happy holidays.”

Natasha wanted to say something in return but Isaac had already left as he felt like he was third-wheeling. Natasha rolled her eyes at his departure, mostly because it was interrupted by Steve.“You just keep appearing don’t you Rogers?” Natasha asked sarcastically, “Should I take that as a sign that you’re the one that’s not actually over me?” She mocked

“Take it however you want,” he shrugged, “Or, I can just go ahead and tell you that I just got bored watching that guy flirt like some pubescent dork and decided to come make fun of him about it.”

“Well that pubescent dork now has my number so his efforts must’ve worked.”

“You could do better. The guy looks like he’s his college campus drug dealer.”

“Uhuh, like I said, my taste has changed.” Natasha froze a bit at the position they were still in but then decided to ignore it when she felt Steve catch himself.

He hummed, slowly letting his arm unwrap from her shoulder. It almost felt bare now. He was so used to keeping it there that it felt kind of naked. Trying not to make things awkward again, Steve wanted to say something that’s been nipping at his brain for a minute. Wanting to come clean. It felt like she was waiting for him to say something but he’s not sure where to start.

He lied about having a girlfriend but it was hard to be honest to an ex he still has feelings for. “Nat, listen-”

They both winced partially at the sound of the announcement system making a screeching noise, one of the desk workers placing their hands over the mic and apologized softly before coming to what they really had to say. “Attention passengers, we’re extremely sorry for the delay but due to the oncoming storm America airlines will not be boarding or moving any flights this evening-”

There was a wave of groans and complaints, people rolling their eyes over the bad news but what could they expect? Blizzards were just as bad in the sky as they were on the ground, maybe even much worse. The amount of air pressure would be extremely low, barely even enough to keep the plane flying for 40 minutes.

“Where are we supposed to sleep?!” One guy asked.

It appeared as if the worker was trying to hold back annoyance just by the way she blinked slowly and took a deep breath, putting on a forced smile. “We don’t plan on giving refunds but instead delaying the flight until tomorrow. Until then, we’ve got in touch with a neighboring hotel who’s agreed to share the expense of their rooms. They’re taking families first and single travellers last.”

Steve turned to Natasha, he really didn’t feel like waiting. There had to have been at least 110 people waiting to get on this flight and he and Natasha would be shifted into the single traveler section..unless. “We might get away with this you know.”

“What do you mean?” Steve gave her a little look and smirk. One which Natasha rolled her own eyes trying to bite back her own smile.


	3. Chapter 3

_ I'm dreaming of a white Christmas _

_ Just like the ones I used to know _

_ Where the treetops glisten _

_ And children listen _

_ To hear sleigh bells in the snow, oh, the snow _

So in reality, Steve was talking about pretending to be a married couple in order to get ahead of the long wait. To make it even more believable, Natasha was supposedly pretending to be pregnant. They’re not quite sure if the attendant bought the claim but all she needed to do was bat a pretty eyelash and it was done. 

What they didn’t take account for was having to  _ share _ a room. They didn’t take that into consideration. They also didn’t think about the fact that since they had been pretending to be married that there’d only be one bed..Yikes. Ex’s sharing a bed? Not something that was on their bucket list but it could be scratched off anyways. They could make it work right? They had to because all the rest of the rooms were filled up and they were adults right? It was nothing they couldn’t handle, especially being familiar with each other for 4 damn years, they better still have some amount of comfort.

Plus the airline was covering everything, so they could really order whatever they wanted whether they were in the mood for it or not. Before that though, Steve decided to take a long and hot shower in order to clear his mind from anything. Natasha was on his mind, Christmas was on his mind, it was all there. His family too. Showers were always great with him, even if it was meant to relax him, his mind was still cluttered with all of these factors but with the hot water trickling down his face and body it made his situation a lot more easier.

Steve came out of the shower with his clothes out of respect for the woman he was sharing the room with, his ex-girlfriend. If they were still together, they’d probably be cuddling right about now or..the other thing. Natasha was on the bed, on her phone but the room service menu she and Steve had been discussing earlier was opened as well, Steve figured she was texting a family member, letting them in on the bed news.

Another thing he noticed, the accessory on her face. He had almost forgotten she wore glasses, more like a necessity than an accessory. Finding that out when they started dating was the highlight of their relationship to him, for some strange reason. And it wasn’t like she would wear them constantly, her eyesight wasn’t exactly terrible. She only wore them while using her laptop or to read, and even sometimes whenever they laid around with each other and she didn’t feel like taking them off.

Steve loved seeing those things on her face so much, he found it to be very adorable on her or like a really hot teacher. Natasha would roll her eyes whenever he would say that to her but the smile on her face would always be present. “Came to a decision yet?”

“I wasn’t exactly looking to be honest with you.” She was too busy letting her family know in their group chat. She spoke with her mom as well just to receive the comfort she had been looking for. Having realized she’d at least be home for Christmas or maybe the night of Christmas eve.

“No?” Steve laid next to her, his movement gave her a whiff of his fresh scent and Natasha didn’t mind the close proximity at all. He didn’t pull the menu from her view, he found that to be rude. Instead, he leaned over to look at it. Maybe he should get some glasses as well but he managed to make out what it was. “Ummm,” Steve hummed quietly.

Natasha watched interestingly how he brought his thumb to his lip, absentmindedly smiling at his position and way of thinking.

“How about bacon wrapped oysters and french onion soup to start..New York strip steak and whatever the hell bucatini arrabIata as our entrees and...cookies and milk for dessert?”

“The soup isn’t exactly a favorite mine.”

“Who cares? The airline is covering the bill anyways. We’re ordering some jack daniels too.” 

Whenever he’s around her she just can’t seem to stop smiling. Despite their history together he’s still such a friendly and charming person, of course she’d still love him. While it may not be romantically, she still holds love for him..she’s not even sure about whether it was romantically or not, but she knows it’s something. An emotion he can’t ignore.

It was surprising, the taste of hotel food because let’s be honest, it’s not exactly the most fresh item around, but this felt like restaurant quality. Steve tried to take his mind off of the idea of this moment being a date because it wasn’t, they were just hanging around for the night. But when you’re laughing, talking and eating good food and drinking alcohol, what would that consist of? A date.

“Come on, just a little taste? Please?”  Steve dipped his spoon inside his mug, bringing it to her mouth and feeding it to her. A blush surfaced his face, trying to hold it back. “Yes, no?” 

“Not exactly,” She answered, drinking a bit of their whiskey to get rid of the taste of it.

Steve winced playfully. “It’s more of an acquired taste.” He put the mug aside and pushed the meals on the table away. It was weird to him how they both sighed as they leaned back on the bed. Almost As if they were catching their breath after..well you know.

It didn’t go past him how she lightly shivered from the temperature of the room. He knows despite being born and raised in a place that’s known for its weather and even moved to a place that was still cold during this time of year, she still enjoys being in warmth when she sleeps and the thinness of these blankets wasn’t enough to take care of that so? He did what he does best, makes her comfortable.

Steve came closer, giving her time to stop him if she wanted, but she let it happen. His arm enveloped around her, pulling her body closer to his. “Better?” He asked teasingly. His deep voice landing straight into her ear. A feeling of nostalgia washing over both of them. 

“Yeah.” She was enjoying this and that was the main problem. They weren’t together anymore. They both moved on, they’ve been broken up for a year and some months now, haven’t seen each other in so long and when they finally appear in the same place she suddenly misses him again? When he holds her, she’s suddenly melting to his touch?

He wishes she was facing him but he could still see her side profile and that was better than nothing, he could still read a lot off of her. “Were you happy when we were together?” Steve asked. The question was poking his brain for quite some time now.

Natasha was almost offended when he asked her that and she didn’t know why. “Steve, being with you made me the happiest I’ve ever been when it comes to being in a relationship.” It felt like an insult, why wouldn’t she be happy when she was with him? They had the time of their life together, even when they got into a fight or an argument, she was on Cloud 9 the entire time.

“You remember that time when we had an argument about our availability? I was starting a new position at my job and so were you and it took us a moment to get used to it and what to do in our free time?” They would work on opposite hours and it was hard to see each other despite living in the same place. They almost broke up.

It was one of their worst arguments and lasted nearly two weeks, two weeks felt like two years of them not being on the same page.

“I remember..not exactly our best days. Why?”

Steve shrugged, “No reason, it just came to my mind.” He could see her form a little smile and thought now would be a good opportunity to make his move. “Can I be honest with you?” Steve’s heart was beating faster and faster, swallowing hardly and thinking about if he should actually do this or not.

“Always.”

Steve bit his lips, knowing that throughout it all she would be understanding. “I lied about having a girlfriend and going to France. I was actually going to Moscow to try and win you back.”

Natasha was silent on her end, Steve saw the corner of her eyes water for a second and didn’t know if that was good or bad. It was now or never. If she falls asleep before this he’d be left looking like an idiot. She was already here in his arms; it might not have been on bad timing.

He licked his lips, timely bringing them closer to her and pressing a couple soft kisses to her. Steve stopped for a moment, allowing her to react and pull away if she felt this was too much. One on the neck, then another further along her neck, essentially ending up just barely under her chin.

Feeling his confidence increase when she didn’t push him away Steve leaned over a bit more, softly and respectfully turning her face towards him. “You want me to stop?” He whispered just along her lips.

Her eyes glistened in a way he’s experienced before. “Do you want to?”

“No,” He answered truthfully. Ever since they broke up he’s been wondering what it'd be like to have her in this way again. The dreams he’d have were ones he wished to never wake up from. When he “handles” himself, he will have felt ashamed to admit that she was one on his mind while it was happening.

Steve turned her towards him completely, wiping her tear away, followed by a small smile on her end. his arms landing near her head as they both reflected in this moment. Him on top of her and her beneath him. They were there. They stayed for good. Locking each other in on what was happening.

_ Presents and cards are here _

_ My world is filled with cheer and you this Christmas _

_ And as I look around _

_ Your eyes outshine the town, they do this Christmas _

Their faces slowly gravitated towards one another. It seemed like everything else touched before their mouths did. Their noses skimming, the heat from their cheeks being radiated but then finally...their lips came together.

It was a small kiss at first, testing out the water. Things were still how they’d always be; comfortable. The more they recognized that comfort, the more deep their kiss became. Steve’s hand now firmly placed against her leg, pulling her into him and rolling on top of her.

Natasha’s hand curling around his neck. Normally she’d grip his hair but he cut it down to a point where she couldn’t tug on it like she normally would want to.

Natasha didn’t want to admit to herself that those were sparks flying as soon as they connected but that’s exactly what it was. The deeper it became, the more high tempo they got, it all just felt so right. Natasha pulled them away for a second, looking at his lips and to his eyes, he’s just- just, Steve! It’s hard to explain why she loves him as much as she does. But when she starts to come to terms with it, it gets easier and easier to see.

Natasha caressed the side of his face with her thumb, exhaling a little deeply. She could feel his hardness just on her waist. “Condom?”

Steve raised a brow before realizing what she meant, he didn’t have any on his person but he remembers the guy behind the front desk informing them that the hotel had them in the rooms, Steve reached over and grabbed one from the drawer. While he leaned back and put it on, Natasha ran a hand through her hair, getting herself ready for what was going on and coming to terms that she actually wanted it to happen and it shouldn’t confuse her as much as it is now.

Once the material was on him, Steve came back down to her. Natasha brings them back into the same position as before. He kisses her once more, licking at the seam of her lips and afterward making this low solid noise from the rear of his throat as he presses his tongue against hers. She moaned faintly. Her legs hover around his hips with the movement, arms twisting around his neck, bringing herself closer.

They stripped off any clothes that they had, it was thrown across the room uncaringly, it felt like they were waiting for this moment all their life or all their life since they broke up. Breaking the kiss, he moved his mouth to her neck, sucking and licking the softness. He ran his tongue over her collarbone, following it with a firm weight. She moaned at the sensation, the noise filling Steve's ears and making him even more excited her hands into the rear of his head, holding him to her.

Gradually, enticingly, Natasha moved her hips with the goal that her hot center pressed against his stone hard erection. Teasingly, tantalizingly, she kept up her speed, her moderate speed making him frantic. Unfit to take it any longer, Steve snatched her hips and generally pulled her against him, making both moan. Feeling his erection again, Steve got her hands, setting them over her head. Bringing his head, he quickly suckled on her breasts, his mouth hot against her skin. Nibbling and sucking, his tongue was making her insane.

Chest against chest, one that passed on to both, how much love existed among them. Natasha pulled his face to hers, holding his chin in her hand, their lips brushing. “You love me still?”

“Always,” Steve answered honestly, despite them breaking up and having a year apart between them. “You broke up with me.”

Natasha aimed to say one thing but then decided to say another. Caressing the tamed hairs on his chest with her finger. “I was tired of waiting for us to get married,” She explained to him.

Remembering that look in each other’s eyes when they used to sleep in the same bed together. 

Her hand absentmindedly cascaded from his chest and went up to the side of his neck. He didn’t say anything about the movement and neither did she.It was overwhelming, being like this together, but they didn’t care anymore. Neither of them was going to sleep right now and they’ve just accepted that something will inevitably happen between them. The buildup of anticipation on whose to make the first move is what’s killing them. Well that and the sexual tension. 

Steve had his hand on her leg rubbing a thumb across her skin just like he used to. His hand migrates in a back and forth motion never going high enough or low enough like she’d want.

Natasha felt this reflex of eagerness string through her body and pulled his face to look at hers. After beating like crazy it felt like both their hearts stopped..there’s that look. The look they’d give each other after every argument. 

“Natasha..really? You’re serious?” She broke up with him because she got tired of waiting for him to propose? When he was doing everything else right and focused on solely loving her, she had already been contemplating a break up because he didn’t pull out a ring? “We were fine the way we were. What’s the difference between calling you my wife and calling you my girlfriend? They’re just titles,” Steve reasoned, they didn’t automatically make him love her any more than he already does..

“It’s more commitment Steve, something I truly think you’re scared of, which is weird because we were dating for years, yet it still felt like our relationship wasn’t going anywhere.” She felt stuck. She felt like their entire relationship was put on hold and they stopped moving forward into another level of it.

“So us moving in together wasn't a commitment? Me expressing my love and respect for you, that was all just bullshit?”

She really thought their last year together would be the year that he proposed. It was on Valentine’s day, they spent the entire day together, went on vacation; just the two of them. There was one day that stuck out for her. The day they had a romantic dinner, roses, candles. They kissed like half the day, relaxed on the beach- everything straight out of a movie, only for them to come back to their hotel suite, have sex and end the night there. 

There was no ring hidden in the dessert or on top of a champagne bottle, there wasn’t anything.

“I wanted to be able to call you my husband, I wanted to be your wife, I wanted us to move forward Steve.”

Steve sighed. “I shouldn’t have to put a ring on your finger for you to understand that I love you and wanted to spend my life with you. If you want to call me your husband while we’re dating, whatever, go ahead, I think it’s really sweet. You want me to call you my wife? No problem, but I wasn’t sure about this whole marriage thing. It just didn’t feel right at the time but it does now.”

They discussed the idea of having a baby, they talked about buying a house together, they had a brief conversation about moving out of New York. But they never, not even for a second, talked about getting married, like officially. Not just a pigment of their imagination. So everything else felt right at the time except getting engaged?...having an entire child, felt right?

“What felt wrong about it?” Natasha urged, wanting to know what his issue on it was. “The idea of marriage or the idea of marrying me?”

“Neither, that’s not what I’m trying to say.” He said in frustration and indecisiveness. Steve sighed and rested his head on her shoulder for a second, he couldn’t believe this was how he would tell her this. “Nat, I came here for you, I was going to Russia to win you back, I got you a ring, I was going to ask you to marry me!”

She loved this man. So much to the point where being his girlfriend..it just wasn’t enough anymore. She needed to become his wife.

Steve sighed, running a hand over his head. “Natasha, I do want to marry you, I’m serious. This year apart showed me a lot, I really want this to happen..So..Let’s do it, let’s get married.”

Natasha stared at him to make sure he was serious, this is how he wanted it to happen? Telling her this in bed? She loves it.

“I lost you once..I can’t let it happen again. I still love you and I’m not right without you...You want to get married then screw it, we’ll do it.”

She doesn’t want to be the only one out of the two of them that wants to get married. It’s like she said, she doesn’t want to force him. “We have more to talk about.”

“I know. But can we….do the..you know.. before we do?”

Natasha rolled her eyes, her eyes that were quickly forming tears at the moment of them being partially engaged. It just made her trip so much worth while. “You’re an idiot,” She said wholeheartedly, Steve smiling as bringing their lips back together.

  
  


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**Author's Note:**

> 3 chapter sequel will be released on New Years


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